10 Things Your Bartender Is Doing Wrong

Alternately titled, "10 Sure Ways to Look Like a Neophyte Behind the Bar". I'll elaborate more elaborately on each one of these, individually, in future posts:

1. They overfill cocktails, wine and draft beer.

2. They put sip straws where they don't belong--such as Martini style drinks, neat and rocks pours, Old-fashioneds, etc.

3. They top their Old-Fashioneds with soda water, like its 1999 (don't muddle a chunky orange wedge and the cherry in there either, unless it's by request).

4. They don't know how to make a proper Old-Fashioned.

5. They have a weak, tepid shaking technique.

6. They don't carry a wine key on their person.

7. They don't know how to properly and efficiently open a bottle of wine (those crazy ones with a cork rather than a screw top).

8. They don't know how to pronounce Curacao.

9. They don't know that anything with tonic gets a lime garnish, including straight tonic (unless otherwise requested, which never happens).

10. They don't know the difference between up, neat, rocks and a shot.

11. Bonus: They're shitty tippers when they go out. Strong, experienced bartenders are exorbitant tippers; they take care of their own. It's just what you do.